Tis the month of Halloween, which means every television station with decent ratings is airing horror flicks to be seasonal. So in honor of what has to be one of my most favorite months of the year, I figure I'd do two quick bits about horror flicks.
First is torture porn. I am decidedly not a fan. At all. I'm talking your run of the mill Saw movies, your Hostel flicks, and pretty much all the mindless derivatives thereof. Now, before I do begin my rant of why I don't like these two series in particular, let me say that not all gore movies are lost causes. I remember hearing of a movie whose name I can't recall that was an exceedingly violent gore flick. It was done by a bunch of make up artists, set designers, the kinds of people who are usually involved in making a violence look real. The actual movie was basically a demo reel, a showcasing of alternative techniques to make the screen come alive with horrible, horrible violence.
The difference between a movie like that and a movie like Saw or Hostel, to me, is that the Saw and Hostel movies are fundamentally about watching people get hurt and getting off on it. That in of itself confuses me, because a lot of times it isn't like the people even really...and I am loathe to use this word... deserve it. That is to say, the characters don't really do anything to warrant ANY punishment. The pain and suffering become a thing unto themselves, celebrated for their own sake in these movies. It sort of saddens me that people are like this. Beyond that, there really aren't any horror elements to it, it's just simple human brutality. And perhaps what perplexes me the most is that it's become a genre for something that's rather...unremarkable. It's not like human on human violence is uncommon. It happens all the time in real life, and it isn't very hard to find. The Saw movies I might give you because the Rube Goldberg death apparatuses, comedically impractical and insulting as they are, do keep things... "fresh."
The demo reel, on the other hand, has less to do with violence and suffering and more to do with workmanship. Though it may not be my ideal way to spend an afternoon, I could see the draw to watching such a movie. At the very least, the revulsion you might feel serves as a really good indicator of how well done the special effects are. And that is something that I can appreciate. It's like Crysis really, just a demonstration of what a team of dedicated experts is capable of with what they have available to them.
Oh, and before we continue, let me single out the Saw series for a moment. Lots of people seem to think that Saw was a cerebral experience and that it had a relatively engaging plot. I understand where this is coming from. The killer has a complex modus operandi, and on paper it would work very well. He is interested in forcing people into difficult situations because he wants them to appreciate their lives. Odd reason though that may be, the theoretical horror comes from the fact that he is a disinterested killer. His actions aren't personal, it's merely a selection process. That means that on some level, these "individuals" have marked themselves for the killer's games, even if they weren't aware of the terms.
In practice, however, the Saw series is only a gimmick. The first Saw movie may have remained somewhat faithful to this ideal, but the concept of "fairness" that would be essential to the modus operandi of the killer is lost completely in the sequel. Many of the characters die due to circumstances that had nothing to do with anything beyond the serial killer's desire to murder. The third movie, the last one I had the patience to watch, was a much worse offender, with several characters dying despite following the serial killer's "rules," with many gratuitous deaths playing out because of the simple fact that the Saw series isn't as smart as it wants you to think. The movies are about complicated death machines, and nothing more. The paper thin rationale behind Jigsaw is just a contrived device to keep the bodies coming in and the plot moving forward.
Let's move on to something a little lighter, shall we?
Last night I actually forced myself to sit down and watch "The Boy Who Cried Werewolf." This wasn't on anyone's radar I'm sure, but I decided to make the effort to see this one through for two reasons. One of them was Victoria Justice. The other was because I'm relatively out of touch with children's horror, which will always have a very special place in my heart. As a 90's kid, I had the distinct privilege of growing up with stuff like Goosebumps (both the books and the television show) and "Are You Afraid of the Dark," a classic program that actually had some fantastic horror in it. It basically springboarded me into my current fondness of the Twilight Zone and Tales from the Crypt. And there were also the full length movies, both animated and otherwise, that were pretty good all things considered. I wasn't a big Alvin and the Chipmunks fan, but I really liked Alvin and the Chipmunks meet the wolfman. Annoying voices aside, the music was actually pretty good. And you will never, ever, ever convince me that Scooby Doo On Zombie Island was not a fantastic movie. It was a great movie, easily better and spooker than 99 percent of the bullshit that Hollywood passes off as "horror."SERIOUSLY. It might actually be one of my favorite movies. I stopped watching the direct-to-video movies after Scooby Doo and the Witch's Ghost, which was still pretty good in my opinion. And it brought forth the existence of the Hex Girls, who were pretty rockin' all things considered. I heard they went really weird with aliens in one of them, which...doesn't bode well. Let's leave it at that.
That being said, I acknowledge that there's a lot of shit kids horror. What I was curious to see was if the generational gap that I've noted elsewhere remains true for this. I do believe 90's animation was better pound for pound than it is now. Mind you, our regular programming is vastly superior, with stuff like House and Breaking Bad and Dexter. We also have reality television to contend with, so it's hard to say who has it better. Either way, as someone who seems to have developed a new found fondness of television, I figured it was something worth investigating. I want to see more children's horror, hopefully before Halloween ends. Unlikely given my schedule, but a guy can hope. Til then, this is the only movie that really fit into my window of opportunity that I got to see. Also, Victoria Justice has motivated me to worse endeavors before. My weakness for the fairer sex is going to get me killed some day.
So, what exactly is this movie about? It centers around a single parent family consisting of a father, a teenage girl named Jordan (Victoria Justice), and a younger brother named Hunter (played by Chase Ellison...I'd be impressed if you've heard of him). The family I guess inherits an estate in Romania from an estranged uncle on their deceased mother's side, so they decide to go over and claim it. The estate ends up being a large castle which they plan to sell to pay off their home back in the states. There's some adjustment drama with Jordan, and Hunter has a blast as he's obsessed with the supernatural. In particular, the town's legendary Wolfsberg Beast draws his attention. The two kids eventually stumble upon a hidden lab in Castle Wolfsberg (the estate they inherit) and Jordan ends up dropping a vial with some liquid labeled LB 217. She ends up stepping on the glass from the vial, and that's when the horror ensues! (spoiler alert: She becomes a werewolf).
How is it as a horror film? I'm actually impressed with some of the themes they tried to tackle. They start off with some great internal conflict. Jordan's newly acquired werewolf DNA...or whatever it is, they never really explain it...brings about a lot of animalistic changes in her; making her very aggressive, physically augmenting her, and instilling in her a newfound fondness of meat (she was a vegetarian prior to wolfing out). Eventually though she makes a full on transformation and nearly attacks her brother before jumping out of the castle. This all culminates in the high point (low point?) of her transformation after she ate an entire live boar, when she expresses tells her brother she's afraid she might kill him or their father. It's interesting and curious for a kid's movie, but I guess not completely unfounded. I find it reminiscent of Gingersnaps, a horror movie which told the story of female puberty through the not-so-subtle metaphor of lycanthropy (uncontrollable urges, monthly cycles, hair in strange places, etc). TBWCW didn't quite take it that far, mind you. I detected one potential mention of puberty, and I might have been searching due to the aforementioned Gingersnaps having conditioned me into thinking that way.
Course, this sort of gets thrown out the window when the vampires show up. Yes, I know, collective groan. Apparently werewolves and vampires hate each other in TBWCW universe. I won't get into much detail. You'll be pleased to know there are no romantic elements to this conflict whatsoever, as Jordan is chasing after a Romanian butcher who is in no way supernatural. Nope, these vampires just want to plunge the earth into total darkness to rule as undead kings for all eternity. And thank the Gods. I can't stomach any more vegetarian vampire sissies. But with this conflict and resulting werewolf/vampire graveyard fight scenes, there comes the fact that the werewolves kind of lose their crazy "can't control myself!" ness and sort of become trained attack dogs. They end up taking orders from a mortal at one point. A shame, I found the first conflict much more interesting.
Beyond that, the story is relatively well told I suppose. It's no Scoobie Doo On Zombie Island, but really who is? It's fairly straight forward. The comedy is a bit lacking, though I did chuckle once or twice. Special mention goes to the horrible, horrible accents though. I get it, Romanian/Transylvanian accents can never again be done seriously. But these are just...painful. Particularly the previously mentioned Romanian butcher love interest. He sounds like some horrific blend of Romanian and Italian, heavily favoring the Italian. I feel as though he should be trying to sell me lamb-flavored gelato in some poorly thought out SNL skit. The maid isn't much better, even though she has a clear shout out to Young Frankenstein.
In the end, it's decent. It's on par with old Goosebumps if you're willing to look past a bit of rushed storytelling and a couple of idiot ball moments. If you're into kids horror, feel free to give it a whirl. It'll probably be on again some time this week. 'Tis the season after all.
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