I use my Hand

Damios has asked me to write a little something for the blog, an essay on the double standard that applies to masturbatory aids, and while I’m honestly honored to be the Extremists’ first guest writer I don’t know if I’m really worthy of the opportunity. Regardless I’ll take it; hopefully the mangled mess of commas and schizophrenic ideas that are sure to follow will at least be amusing for you, the audience.

The question here is why is it overlooked or even expected that a female have a dildo or a vibrator, yet if you were to hear that your bestest buddy Ted possessed a Fleshlight you would mock him mercilessly if not outright disown him? The answer as far as I can tell has a lot to do with another double standard, the one dealing with the number of sexual partners a person has had. If a woman sleeps with say ten guys in a 2 month period then she is clearly a slut, if a man has the same number of partners in say week he’s totally a player. Now why does this happen? Well this is much easier to answer, it’s due to a male’s pride in his sexuality and the fact women generally get to pick when sex happens. You see being a guy has gotten complicated since women have started to move forward in society; there are all these rules that keep us in our place, whereas before when women were just housewives men reigned free, at least in public. A woman has a great amount of control over a man, she has her natural looks, her innate deviousness, and she has the power to file sexual harassment charges whenever she chooses; this gives her a great deal of power, and it lets her choose her partners with much less opposition than a man, in a sense its easier for her. Now if a guy can somehow charm, con, or properly lubricate a moderate number of women to sleep with him the guy is a damn hero, because he fucking worked for that sex.

But back to the point, The Wankening. Women, so far as I know, are less concerned with their image sexually; sure they don’t want to look like a slut, but I rarely see them treating their number as a trophy. Guys on the other hand do, a lot. To guys the Oh Holy Number is a symbol of great pride or great shame, as a group we obsess over at and measure each other’s worth by it, when actually it is of very little importance. Males are very prideful in their sexual experience and that is why when you hear about someone owning a Vaginal Simulator or whatever else you just have to snicker.

When I read Damios’ post last week about digital pirates falling for a scam what stood out to me the most was the fact that an H-game had its release yanked back so it could be made compatible with a RoboticFapper, and the only thing I could think was, “Seriously? Are you too lazy you use your damn hand? Does selecting one of three responses require use of both arms nowadays?” In fact I honestly believe that suggesting that someone use such a device is the reigning insult against males, it’s rarely pulled but when it is I can almost guarantee much stuttering followed by a flying fist. But why is this so insulting, just about everyone who has discovered their genitals has masturbated at one point, and most have continued to masturbate throughout their lives, so why does using some aid matter at all? It doesn’t, and women have realized this, taken advantage of this and it has become a societal norm. Dildos and vibrators have become so commonplace that if you were to accidentally discover one in a female friend’s room you wouldn’t bat an eyelash, yeah you may be a little put off or tease her about it, but you certainly wouldn’t make a big deal of it. So while male possession implies inadequacy in the sexual arena, it only does so because of how our society sees the Mechanized Pleasure Machine.

So in closing, while there is no real reason to fear the Wankertron 9000 (save rare cases of penis severing malfunctions), but still I hope never to come into contact with one. I hope this meets the Extremist’s expectations, but regardless of their responses it’s been fun writing to you folks, and hopefully I’ll get a chance to do so again.

~ Riunin