Letter of Marque

I've just sent an email to state representative Lamar Smith asking that Congress grant me a Letter of Marque. Upon receiving this, I plan to go to Russia and steal the Lun-class Ekranoplan, hire a crew (primarily of lolis), and become an airship pirate.

Here's the email I sent him:

"Dear Representative Lamar Smith:

Upon my reading of Article 1 of our United States Constitution, I discovered that our Congress still retains the ability to grant Letters of Marque to individuals. As the last letter of marque was given in World War II, I believe that our country is long overdue to return to the time honored tradition of privateering. While many may claim that the age of swashbuckling pirates sailing the seas is long past, it is my opinion that in this day and age, we are in need of these dashing rogues more than ever. The so called “pirates” in Somalia wouldn’t last long when presented with a full 64 cannon broadside from a Ship of the Line, and I am confident that Al Qaeda would crumble against a landing party armed with blunderbusses. And there is truly nothing more American than a good old fashioned swashbuckler. They represent the old pioneering spirit of our nation, for a pirate does what he wants because a pirate is free. Indeed, it has been said that if you love to sail the sea, you are a pirate. And given the already large number of people who celebrate “Talk Like a Pirate Day” in our country, pirate culture has strong roots in our nation. Were the Congress to once more give out letters of marquee, there would no doubt be dozens, nay, hundreds of applicants, quickly arming our nation with a considerable force of privateers, to defend our citizens and trade, and fight our enemies.
In light of these facts, I wish to request a Letter of Marque be granted to me, so that I may become a privateer in the service of the United States government. I already have heard from multiple people interested in joining any privateer crew I form, and have found a ship, which I am currently attempting to acquire. With this ship and crew, I shall do battle against the enemies of our fair country, capturing the ships of our foes in name of freedom and liberty!

Sincerely,
Sean O’Neill"